A little over two years ago, I was ushered into my supervisor’s office and told that the bridal magazine that I was working for no longer had the budget to support me working for them as a freelancer. I was getting fired. It sucked on many levels.
My pride was hurt because I had functioned as their sole research editor checking the entire book, and it felt like a betrayal to all the hard work that I had done. I was irritated because the person who had hired me hid in his office instead of telling me. Plus, we had known each other for ten years. He gave me my first freelance job.
But mostly, I was upset because of my dedication to a company that was laying people off who were the backbone of their business. And if they weren’t laying you off, you were being shuttled into hubs that lacked creativity and personality. The general overall feeling was that we were not valued. And of course, I was pretty pissed that I was going to lose my paycheck. I had a mortgage to pay and let’s face it the bank don’t generally care their customers’ personal issues.
But then something else happened… within minutes of getting the news, I felt free. I felt lighter. It was the same feeling I had every time I had ended a bad relationship. The layoff wasn’t surprising because print magazines have been failing for years. The whispers were there. They hadn’t evolved quickly enough. It was as if they thought that the internet wouldn’t expand. That folks were going to continue to schlep around magazines when they had tablets and phones.
Plus, they also forgot that each magazine needed personality and having the same look and voice to all of them was a recipe for failure. Why buy Glamour when it just looks like another version of Vogue or why buy Self when it stopped being about fitness and now just echoed Allure?
Where were all those advisors that so many companies hire that claim to have their pulse on the trigger? What happened to those fabulous know-it-alls that said that open office spaces were going to increase productivity? Newsflash, they decrease productivity, and you never really feel comfortable. Also, open office spaces in the midst of flu season, really? Is that a good idea?Plus, you can’t ask people who have never worked in media to tell you what will work. Metrics are great but humans are multilayered.
Case in point, I once freelanced for a food magazine where a copy person complained that I crunched my Stacy’s Pita chips too loudly. But with diminished staff, when was I to take a lunch break? So, I ate at my desk daily and ignored his heated stares. Also, if I had a personal call to make (esp to GYN), I had to hide in the prop closet to take it.
Before my untimely yet timely departure, I felt sick daily. I went from depression to anxiety and exhaustion throughout the day. Quite frankly, I wasn’t alone. We all did the death march to our desks every morning because we were all worried. I once mentioned to the director on the floor, (the guy who hired me), that morale was low, and he told me I was wrong. He said people told him they were happy. Obviously, we were not speaking to the same people. And who wants to tell their boss that they are unhappy with their work surroundings? Rent is expensive, so for the most part we all just wallowed in the stress and discomfort.
As I was given the news, the woman that delivered it seemed perplexed that I was not upset. I mean, really, what should I have done? Cried? Had my period in her office? Or curl up in a ball and beg to retain my job? As she spoke, I was thinking, “Damn it, why did I turn down that other gig I was offered a week prior?” Oh yeah because I was told by the director that was hiding in his office that I was booked through the end of the year and here it was only October. Giant Sigh!
By the way, this was the same director who thought we were all going to be together at the company’s Christmas party and by “all” I mean everyone but the freelancers because freelancers don’t often get to sip on champagne with the people we work with. Freelancers are good enough for the 2 am haul, but not so much for the celebrations.
Anyway, I brushed off my ego as I walked out the glass doors and was grateful that I had met the people that I had while there. Because though magazines are failing the people that work there are not failures. Some of them are my greatest friends. And most of them brilliant! I am not saying that I am happy that I got fired but getting fired was a blessing, for me.
I have no sour grapes because quite frankly I still adore magazines. There are many that are done beautifully. I still smile as a flip through their pages. But getting fired did change my life. It forced me to take take stock of what I wanted to do as a writer. It made me take risks that I wouldn’t normally have.
I have a new gig now, and I am not sure what the future holds, but I do know I am going to be alright. And while my new job is good, there are still other things that I want to do that truly express who I am. So, join me here as I write, cook, bake, learn, and earn.
I have decided that my new focus isn’t about finding the perfect job or the perfect anything. It’s about being me. I just want to be healthy, experience love, joy, and abundance. I want to be the most authentic version of me. 💋
How to Change Careers when You’re Lost | Felicia Ricci | TEDxYale
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